Flight attendants are grateful because they can now identify problematic customers faster

United States—With the recent lifting of the requirement to wear masks on planes, flight attendants have reported an unexpected benefit: problem customers can now be easily identified by their masks.

Several flight crew members have confirmed that they can now quickly determine who the problem customers are on a given flight and position their defense appropriately.

“We can expand our zone training to cover areas with lots of masks,” said Jillian Adams, a Delta flight attendant. “We used to scan for visible hair, T-shirts printed with too many words and frumpy hairstyles, but now we do a quick count and mark a map of masked fliers. We can then assign our most grizzled steward to regularly walk past the seats of those we’ve dubbed “Karens” to make sure they’re not explaining their masks to their seatmates, dripping drops of hand sanitizer on anyone or cause a ruckus.”

“Those wearing two or three masks and a face shield are given special consideration, and we generally transition to a man-to-man defense for these passengers.”

According to sources from several airlines, things got complicated during the pandemic because everyone wore a mask and flight attendants were unable to distinguish those who voluntarily wore a mask from normal people. But with the recent ruling overturning the mask mandate, wearing a mask is once again a sign of being a psychopath or else an old-fashioned bandit bent on stealing everyone’s gold.


Mandy is absolutely fired up by Elon Musk’s possible takeover of Twitter. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


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